« Tom visited tomstock 2006! | Main | Back at Tribe »
I miss my friend tom
Every time I'm alone or come up for air. I keep saying its so weird. How can he be gone? Where can he go to? What happens? Can he create rainbows there?
Can a soul cease to exist? Or does our energy go somewhere else? A lightbulb bruns out. Does its energy go somewhere else or its just expended and ceases? How do we contemplate any soul ceasing to exist?
Its starts out feeling like your friend just went on a long vacation. Then they become a series of memory flashes. For me its just like pulling up pictures. The video and audio brings them back more than any other way. Thank g-d for that.
Please make sure you video your friends and family a lot. That's been big and I'm sure will get way more sophisticated by the time most of us leave. I'm sure my friend rob will create holographic bobbing heads to rise above our graves and talk to our loved ones when they visit. Maybe we'll apply AI to learn a personality, character, past and enable people to ask parents for advice and reactions for decades. Allow great grand children to meet long lost ones.
Maybe we'll replace statues (about time!) With holograms. The next great president will sit on the steps of his library and greet each visitor. Parks will come to life with great men and women replacing dead stone replicas.
Nothing will bring tom back. Nor will I find some easy way to fill the void. The sadness is with me every day. Not sure it will ever leave or that I want it to. My only connection left.
This has forced me to grow up. I never aspired to become a man before. Always laughed that I could cheat life and stay a kid. Well life had a different plan. Guess digging a hole and poring your best friend's ashes in it can have that effect.
There is a rainbow though. I've ben more present these past three weeks than the lifetime before. No more celphone in the car with friends. No more blackberry while I'm half listening.
Tom's osho book of understanding talks about how we have to be 100 pct engaged on our path with no regrets. That it is more important to be 100 pct than on the *right* path.
There is no better path, only the one we're on. I've spent a lot of my life struggling with decisions, tormented by the prospect of choosing the wrong path. No more. That is one of tom's greatest gifts. Tom used to say 'its all good' and it is and 'be here now' and I will be.
Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.
August 24, 2006 | Permalink
Comments
Mark,
Sorry to hear about your loss. Great poetic post. It's weird how death affirms life....and how we don't appreciate things until their gone.
Andy
Posted by: Andy Sack | Aug 25, 2006 9:25:49 AM
"Can a soul cease to exist? Or does our energy go somewhere else? A lightbulb bruns out. Does its energy go somewhere else or its just expended and ceases? How do we contemplate any soul ceasing to exist?"
Mark, it's evident that Tom's energy was passed to all of his friends. You just didn't know it at the time. From the outside looking in, it's obvious that he had an impact on everyone around him. Not everyone, no matter how hard they try, accomplishes this.
I know you're feeling a deep sense of loss, given that he was permanent fixture in your life ;) . Celebrate with others the love that he's shared with you. That's where his energy is.
Posted by: phillippa | Aug 25, 2006 9:26:03 AM
The toughest part about grief for me, is it is my ego speaking. I came into this world November 16, 1968 and I've never questioned that, far be it from me to question when I leave.
Turning that around to friends and family who die is tough indeed. In the book Islands in the Stream a father learns one day that his son has been killed in the war. That evening he is dancing and celebrating.
The people of the town come to him and ask how he could possibly be so happy and uncaring? He said sooner or later I have to get past my son's death or it will kill me, I've just chosen soooner.
I absolutely love the fact that you are so openly honest in your post, Marc, thank you for sharing.
Peace and Love,
TT
Posted by: Tim Taylor | Aug 25, 2006 9:40:53 AM
Mark
Having has something happen to me like this in the throws of when I was driving www.spoke.com in the winter of 2004 and recieved a call that my little sister had died. It put a number of things in perspective and shaped how I look at things and what I wanted to accomplish.
Now of course, having some bozo who worked for me (who was fired) try to have meetings behind my back while I was attending her funeral, also shaped my view on just what I would put up with while trying to reach those accomplishments.
By the way, congrats on the Tribe move.
Posted by: Ben | Aug 25, 2006 11:34:16 AM
Tom would have been very proud and so moved in how you conducted the memorial service. I could just sense the depth of your relationship and in all of you, his friends, his spirit will live on.
Posted by: Barbara Bluhm-Kaul | Sep 5, 2006 1:33:32 PM
I'm very sorry to hear of your loss Mark. There have been several losses of this nature during the past year...
At a pivotal time in my life, I discovered the burn. I spent lots of time preparing to attend last year, but the logistics simply didn't work out. Since that time, two wonderful souls from our regional burning man tribe were lost - before I got to meet them in the flesh. I now count your dear friend Tom among that number.
"I'm sorry", said the master, "the gates are still closed. But after you left, I realized that even if I cannot help you with my prayers and meditations, at least I can cry with you. That is why I have come."
Namaste,
Dustin
Posted by: Dustin Decker | Sep 19, 2006 6:11:35 AM
What was Tom's last name?
Posted by: elliottg | Oct 2, 2006 8:15:13 AM
best site
http://www.voip-world.us/
Posted by: voip word | Oct 12, 2006 8:19:02 AM
